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  • Philowixian - noodles
    official instant noodles of the Society We make this designation in honor of the laudable efforts which you have made to bridge the gap between Japan and the United States and especially of your company s proven understanding of quintessential American qualities which a debate group like ours finds most engaging Many Japanese people and corporations say that they feel uncomfortable in American society which encourages individual assertiveness over group harmony Thus Japanese people often use expressions like Let s join us or Won t you try this when a more straightforward communication would be appropriate But your Sapporo Ichiban package demands that we cook in 3 minutes You have obviously mastered the use of the imperative mood and shown that you would make a formidable debater and a fine American I have been charged with the duty of informing you of this designation which we hope you will deem an honor Though the Philolexian Society established in 1802 is Columbia s oldest student organization and one of the oldest literary societies in the country it has never before seen fit to name an official instant noodle The undeniable kindred spirit between your company and our society manifest in Sapporo

    Original URL path: http://www.columbia.edu/cu/philo/legacy_content/content/archives/nomenklatura/noodles/ (2016-02-12)
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  • Philowixian - parmalot
    ability to function on all cylinders even without the luxury of refrigeration technology Milk in a box quite possibly the greatest innovation since the perennial sliced bread could only aid in our continued success in this venture And since the Milk Box safely maintains all the benefits of milk for your convenience and your use everywhere never would we have to fear the souring of our proverbial dairy grapes Because calcium vitamins protein and minerals are essential in today s life Parmalat milk in a box seems the ultimate brain food for New York s intellectual elite Every Philo s wit and wisdom stands to benefit from the nutrient deluge of each single eight fluid ounce serving Your packaging states that Parmalat is perfect for the dynamic lifestyle of consumers already our heads swim with visions of bringing Parmalat milk in a box to such ruggedly outdoorsy events as the annual Croquet Tea In hot sun in sleet or in snow Parmalat s patented box would hold fast to the spirit of fresh dairy goodness I have been charged with the duty of informing you of this designation which we hope you will deem an honor Though the Philolexian Society

    Original URL path: http://www.columbia.edu/cu/philo/legacy_content/content/archives/nomenklatura/parmalot/ (2016-02-12)
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  • Philowixian - proctor
    ability to achieve a dominion over things one would normally have thought completely outside your control On the Ivory Soap package you boldly declare through the affixing of a registered trademark symbol that you own the expression 99 94 100 Pure We self aggrandizing Philolexians always striving to expand beyond the confines of our role as a student group have had occasion to declare our dominion over campuses and nations and have even asserted ownership over all of the Mckim Meade and White style buildings in the world but never have we had the audacity to lay exclusive claim to something so basic and universal as a number In our desire to thank you for teaching us ever to set our sights higher we have decided to make your product our official soap I have been charged with the duty of informing you of this designation which we hope you will deem an honor Though the Philolexian Society established in 1802 by associates of Alexander Hamilton is Columbia s oldest student organization and one of the oldest literary societies in the country it has never before seen fit to name an official soap The undeniable kindred spirit between your company

    Original URL path: http://www.columbia.edu/cu/philo/legacy_content/content/archives/nomenklatura/proctor/ (2016-02-12)
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  • Philowixian - response1
    become very excited when they are stumped by the occasional unknown word They more than anyone I know will appreciate and enjoy your letter I do hope that my response isn t too late and that you haven t moved on from the address that you had way back in February I am embarrassed that it took several months to get back to you Please know that I am truly

    Original URL path: http://www.columbia.edu/cu/philo/legacy_content/content/archives/nomenklatura/response1/ (2016-02-12)
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  • Philowixian - shout
    attire themselves in the height of nadsat fashion While we may not be resplendent in the finest of white tuxedos keeping oneself presentable in the heart of the city can prove difficult Your product s ingenious suggestion to Treat now wash later allows us to keep our raiment in a state veritably next to godliness Shout Ultra Gel promises to quickly penetrate break up and remove our toughest stains including grass dirt cuff and collar and other tough stains This admirable gel must have been created with the Philolexian Society in mind for how else would a company so perfectly anticipate our needs With our annual Croquet Tea rapidly approaching Philolexians can engage in the roughest sort of play without fear of forever staining our finest garments We are so enamoured of this sport that we always put forth the greatest effort kneeling on the ground to find the best shot with rackish disregard for the condition of our garb With the aid of your product however we can engage in this sport with impunity For this we and our clothes thank you I have been charged with the duty of informing you of this distinction which we hope you

    Original URL path: http://www.columbia.edu/cu/philo/legacy_content/content/archives/nomenklatura/shout/ (2016-02-12)
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  • Philowixian - suave
    the blurb found on Suave s bottle It states Suave makes your hair so beautiful there s no need to spend more We believe that the above statement represents an entirely new form of literary construction which we would like to term a semi sequitur You did not fall prey to the mindless beast of conventionality by finishing your Suave makes your hair so beautiful declaration with a trite forseeable conclusion like it shines or you ll look like a movie star Rather you brought into your second clause an entirely new idea related to Suave s impliedly low price especially as compared to competitors whose products might make our hair more beautiful than yours does This new construction allows you to combine several different and ostensibly unrelated advertising ideas into a single sentence and thus teaches us the lesson of brevity which is one which some of us loquacious Philolexians need to learn I have been charged with the duty of informing you of this designation which we hope you will deem an honor Though the Philolexian Society established in 1802 is Columbia s oldest student organization and one of the oldest literary societies in the country it has

    Original URL path: http://www.columbia.edu/cu/philo/legacy_content/content/archives/nomenklatura/suave/ (2016-02-12)
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  • Philowixian - tea
    English Breakfast Tea which reads A full bodied blend in the English style An ideal wake up tea The Philolexian Society has long striven to awaken the greater university community to the majesty of intellectual debate and draws much inspiration from the hallowed traditions of Merry Olde England Verily Philolexians represent a full bodied brew of highbrow culture any scholarly congregation worth its tea leaves demands a beverage as fine as Twinings English Breakfast Tea Like a good black tea we Philolexians strive to protect the body from the damage caused by harmful free radicals such as the ISO and the Parliamentary Debate Society While our cunning wits and befuddling advertisements generally serve us well in this venture nothing could prove a finer companion in the crusade against such infidels as a tea containing the flavonoid antioxidants so naturally abundant in your invigorating and refreshing beverage I have been charged with the duty of informing you of this designation which we hope you will deem an honor Though the Philolexian Society established in 1802 is Columbia s oldest student organization and one of the oldest literary societies in the country it has never before seen fit to name an official

    Original URL path: http://www.columbia.edu/cu/philo/legacy_content/content/archives/nomenklatura/tea/ (2016-02-12)
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  • Philowixian - vapor
    of the Philolexian Society Many members of this esteemed society doubtless remember a meeting prior to the winter holidays to which the former Sergeant at Arms showed up extremely strung out on Sudafed and behaved in a most disturbing manner for the remainder of the night slumping over in her chair and declaring herself to be several different Biblical figures within the space of an hour While the rest of us would never engage in such disgraceful overdosage as did this member who shall remain nameless certainly the availability of alternative means to sinus salvation could only help us in our quest for utmost dignity at all times Since Vicks VapoRub is applied externally it does not interact with other medications the way pills can we Philolexians believe this to be a splendid phenomenon indeed Nothing could be more deleterious to a good rebuttal or moo argument than egregious drug interactions due to attempts to imbibe or mainline menthol You savvy folk at Vicks have spared us this embarrassment by keeping your soothing mentholated goodness on the outside of our bodies where it belongs I have been charged with the duty of informing you of this designation which we hope

    Original URL path: http://www.columbia.edu/cu/philo/legacy_content/content/archives/nomenklatura/vapor/ (2016-02-12)
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